my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
