Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize