Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
