Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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