so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
