He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
