i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
