I wish I only lived at night.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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