That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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