honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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