if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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