True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
