Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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