He disabled his match.com account in front of me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
