dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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