Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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