You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
