I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
