She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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