I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
