i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The ass gains better be worth it
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