i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
