Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Never joke about your clitoris.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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