My room smells like vodka and shame
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
