she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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