is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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