I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
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So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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