Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize