I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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