GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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