i think my tv is drunk
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
