I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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