Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
