you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
