Im at strip club and am horny
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
