Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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