I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How external is "for external use only"?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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