Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Even my vagina gasped.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just want to make out with him forever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
