Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
