You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
