I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I smell like Dick and happiness
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
