Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
