My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
