I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
