Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
