K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
