I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
