You're so nebulous sometimes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
