that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
