Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
