your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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