I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
