You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
