Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I did not marry a roomba.
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