Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
