I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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